This is a picture of me the night before I drew Andrew’s
name in Sunday school and my life changed forever.
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| June 25, 2011 |
In some ways, I don’t even recognize that girl in the picture. Single. Insecure. Dying for someone to truly know her heart. She has it all together on the outside and although no one can see her insecurities, they are there. She struggles with feeling that she isn’t good enough, isn’t pretty enough – to have someone win her heart.
She seeks God daily, falls on her knees before her Creator,
begs that His plan would include fulfilled dreams. How much time did she waste waiting on
tomorrow? How many lives went untouched? How many selfish prayers did she pray?
How many blessings did she miss?
Oh the things I would tell that girl if I could. If she
could only understand that tomorrow is coming. That tomorrow will change
everything. But today is full of its own blessings. Today holds opportunities that
tomorrow will never know.
...
As I look back at how God’s plan for my life unfolded, I
realize a few things. First of all, it was only after I truly surrendered
to God’s will – and realized that even if that will did not include a husband,
God would still be more than sufficient to meet my needs – that He allowed me
to meet Andrew. I specifically remember that conversation with God. And I know
that it was only shortly before meeting Andrew because it took place in the
apartment where I spent the summer of 2011 – the summer that changed
everything.
I remember reading this quote and it resonating with
something deep inside me.
“When
I learn to say yes to God’s will and I am no longer preoccupied with myself, my
abilities or the dreams for my life, only then am I free to finally receive
what God has for me. Letting go of my dreams means my future will not be the
way I always expected it to be. Only then when I have released my death grip on
what I believe God should do, the way I believe He should do it, and when I
believe it should happen, am I free to finally receive what God has for me. If
God calls me to put my dreams on the altar, I need to trust Him to replace them
or revive them in a way that makes the original pale by comparison.” –Gary
Mayes
I remember the tears, the quiet whispers, the overwhelming
peace from a loving Father. I could face tomorrow because I knew He had all the
answers. I knew that He would satisfy the desires of my heart in a way that I could
never imagine.
Looking back, I also
realize that it took moving me away from my comfort zone – away from the fake
securities and the distractions – for God to have my full attention. There,
away from everything familiar, I fully relied on God in a way I never had before.
It was uncomfortable at times, but God met me there. And He was so faithful. He
provided for each need in a way that was better than I could have ever
imagined. And through the discomfort, I grew into a stronger person.
...
On June 26, 2011, I woke up and got ready to head to the church I had been attending since moving to a new town a month earlier. This church was just another answered prayer that God had blessed me with. I never expected my life to change that day. Just the day before I had been a single girl, insecure, lonely, praying for God to fulfill my desires with more of Him. Is it only by chance that I met Andrew just after I had fully released my dreams into God's hand? I don't think so. I think God waits for us to trust Him, waits for us to release our control and the plans we have for our life so that He can give us something better.
...
If you are in a place in life where you are waiting for God
to fulfill lifelong dreams, please know that I am praying for you. I pray that
God would comfort and encourage you in the way that only He can and that He
will satisfy each and every desire of your heart.
“Delight yourself in
the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
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| August 2011 |
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